In Case You Forgot How Sexy Janet Jackson Is...

Janet Jackson is back in the studio, and with her signature producers no less.

That's pretty much it for that update, but since I look for any reason to make a Janet post I thought I'd take this time to give you guys my favorites of Janet's bedroom ballads.

I'm pretty confident that Janet is the sexiest female artist of our time, and in case you need a reminder...

Janet Jackson's 10 Sexiest Songs

10. Tonight's The Night (The Velvet Rope, 1997)

Even at 31, Janet manages to convincingly coo about virginity...and keeping the lyrics of the Rod Stewart original in tact gives the song a bisexual lien that was pretty ballsy in the 90s. If nothing else, Janet makes lines like "Spread your wings and let me come inside," seem infinitely more appealing than Stewart, so that forcing yourself upon an unsuspecting date never seemed nearly as enticing.


9. Someday is Tonight (Rhythm Nation, 1989)

"You know I promised I'd be worth the wait; now the wait is over" Yeah, this song came nearly three years after "Let's Wait Awhile," and realistically, just the thought of getting some is probably enough to validate its place on the list. Still, if you're looking for more, listen to the song, because Janet's shy yet certain delivery made her sexy long before she traded in military garb for nipple rings.

8. Funny How Time Flies (When You're Having Fun) (Control, 1986)

It's sort of funny that a song so sexually suggestive would sit so nicely aside Janet's infamously chaste "Let's Wait Awhile," from her breakthrough album Control. Still, it works because Janet manages to say everything she needs to say, without really saying anything at all. In effect, the song is more or less a quiet-storm loop of its title, but Janet's breathy vocals and strategically placed moans make "having fun" and "getting laid" seem interchangeable. And, while spoken word intros and interjections are generally regarded as cheesy, especially in ballads, Janet whispering in French is the vocal equivalent of KY His & Her's.

7. I Get Lonely (The Velvet Rope, 1997)

Yes, this is a breakup track, but if Janet's vulnerable delivery isn't enough to bring you home, the shameless Jodeci-esque shirt ripping near the end of the video will certainly lead to a change of heart. "Lonely" resonates with the effectiveness of Janet's pleading, so that you know her wayward lover is on his way back for at least on more night of making up. Oh, and this is hands down my favorite Janet tune, ever.

6. Together Again (Deeper Remix) (The Velvet Rope, 1997)

So basically, if you can turn a song about lost loved ones into a baby-maker, without changing a single lyric, you're doing big things. "Go deeper inside me" takes on a whole new meaning in the slowed down remix of Janet's '97 hit, without ever compromising the sincerity of the original, and that's almost amazing.

5. Anytime, Anyplace (janet., 1993)

Yeah..if this song isn't a draw dropper, I don't what is. If it wasn't cool to be a hoe before '93, Janet justified casual sex for an entire generation. Plus, I think the original video came with a condom advisory, which just proves that even at her freakiest, Janet stays in Control.

4. Twenty-Foreplay (Design of a Decade, 1996)

This is arguably the classiest of Janet's freakier bedroom excursions, but it's my favorite. Janet starts off innocently enough, "sleep my love, don't you worry, you just sleep," before seamlessly trading in romance for straight smut. "You've made love to my mind, now you gotta take me from behind." Still, you may have to run the track back, because Janet delivers even the most explicit of lyrics with a casualness that leaves you wondering if she's really just said what you think you've heard.

3. Would You Mind? (All For You, 2001)

Taken from 2001's All For You, "Would You Mind" is probably the most explicit song Janet's ever recorded. While lyrics like, "I wanna kiss you, suck you, taste you, ride you" may initially come off as slutty, at the end of the day Janet is more or less expressing the latent bedroom fantasies of more than just a few people; and on some level, her courage to do so is respectable enough. Still, if that's all bullshit and Janet is just being a straight freak, that's cool too...cause I'm pretty sure that's what she was going for anyway, and it works for me.

2.Take Care (20 Y.O., 2006)

This song is about masturbation, which may or not be a mood setter, but I chose it because I don't know a sexier song about getting yourself off. "At home, I'm so alone, I'm wishing you were here....I"ll lay here and take care of it til' you come home to me." Janet's definitely making due with her resources, and I ain't mad. Plus, at 40 upon recording this song, Janet demonstrates that sexuality does not expire past one's 30s.

1. That's The Way Love Goes (janet., 1993)

Because "like a moth to a flame, burned by the fire" is a terrible line, but Janet makes it read like poetry. "The Way Love Goes" didn't surface until seven years into Janet's post-Control career, and realistically, no one had any reason to think she was sexy enough to pull it off. Where Janet used to hint at getting it in, she now openly admitted to wanting it without hesitation; "Go deeper baby, deeper...you feel so good I wanna cry." At 25, it made sense for her to give up the coyness of her earlier years. But, who knew she'd pull it off quite so well?

If you're not up on things, here's a link to a pretty well-handled mix of Janet's nastier moments.

And here's the video for I Get Lonely...because 12 years later, it still holds up quite well.

Speaking of Usher...

A surprising number of people don't realize that Usher had a career before My Way. A few weeks ago "Think of You" came on my iTunes shuffle, and a friend of mine, who happens to be an Usher groupie, said "Ohh, is this Tevin Campbell?" No, but it was probably one of Tevin's (moment of silence) leftovers.

Before Usher ran away with Jermaine Dupri, he was Diddy's protege, and in turn, released some of the most inappropriate material of his career. No, really. Lyrics like, "I ain't tryna be funny...it's only a sexual thing" and "How do you want it, fast or slow?" probably weren't the most tactful to hand to a 14-year-old kid. Then again, at just 7 myself, I probably shouldn't have been singing along to them.

That's neither here nor there. Usher's self-titled debut has sank out of consciousness, so much so that I can't remember the last time he even acknowledged it himself. Inappropriate or not, Usher handled the material pretty well, and while he lacked the mature delivery of Campbell, he didn't sound quite as uncomfortable with more adult subject matter.

Anybody remember when Tevin tried to get sexy? Vomit.

So..here's Usher's forgotten collection. Starting with my personal favorite, the DeVante Swing penned "Can You Get Wit' It." Next, "Call Me a Mack" from the Poetic Justice soundtrack (HE RAPS..not like, "Nice and Slow" rapping...but like, really trying to rap). Finally, "Everytime I Think of You," which is probably the song you'll most recognize.



(They've blocked embedding on this song, so here's the link for the actual video. )

Usher - Call Me A Mack
Uploaded by chirine

Usher - Think Of You
Uploaded by chirine

It's Just Not That Serious Folks

I said this on Twitter as soon as I saw this hat on Ms. Franklin at the Inauguration, and I'll say it again today: I know one of ya'll got an aunt w/ this same damn hat.

Back in my church going days, hats like this one were common place among the congregation..and don't let it be a deacon's wife on Easter Sunday...that bow would be demure in comparison to the bright, feathered, and glittered possibilities. Once you've seen Sister Jenkins rockin an entire nativity scene on top of her head (with matching gloves no less), Franklin's hat is as surprising as a new era fitted.

So how has this thing managed to take on a life of its own?

****ing Funny

Because school is dominating my life, and I haven't found time to make an actual post...here's something that kept me from my English HW, and will probably ruin my Geology test grade...but FUCK IT, I'm a senior!




Can you **** yourself now?

Stay tuned for posts on The Dream and Kelly Clarkson.

I'm A Little Late...But Birthday Wishes Are In Order For One of My Favorite Artists...

It's strange to think that Aaliyah would have been 30 this year. It's even more uncomfortable when one notices that it's been nearly eight years since her death. I still remember seeing the news scroll across the bottom of some show on MTV, and thinking it was bull, until I turned on the radio and heard a succession of Aaliyah songs, and knew that it was in memorial, not celebration.

Still, it has been eight years, and Aaliyah was more than a talent taken too soon. I remember buying her final album, Aaliyah on the day of its release and being less than impressed with the direction she had taken with the self-titled effort. I was 14 then. At 22 (and really, right around 16 or so) I can recognize the brilliance in Aaliyah taking a step away from Timbaland and Missy, and following her own agenda. With "We Need a Resolution" Aaliyah gave up adolescent inclinations toward abandoning a challenging relationship, and instead delivered a desperate, yet mature plea for the salvation of love gone wrong. At 23, she was wise beyond her years, and that resonates throughout the whole of Aaliyah.

"Rock the Boat" was the sexiest we'd seen the singer since the hesitantly suggestive "Hot Like Fire" from One In A Million, and "More Than A Woman" solidified her growth from street but sweet tomboy, to sex symbol in the making.

However, the album didn't just shine in terms of singles, but was consistent from top to bottom. Aaliyah defines R&B swagger before the word even became a pop culture staple with the borderline arrogance of "Loose Talk," and demonstrates her musical versatility with the rock flavored "What If?". Even the Timbaland assisted tracks, like "I Care 4 U" succeed because of Aaliyah, not in spite of her. All of which goes to prove, that even as Timb crafts hits for Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado, no one will ever challenge his craft in the manner Aaliyah did.

Taken as a whole, Aaliyah is pure romance. Not picture perfect love; but as brooding and pained as a Victorian novel. In the end, this demonstrates that Aaliyah never took her audience for granted, or allowed them to marginalize her as any certain type of artist; as she effortlessly progressed from the new jack swing of "Back and Forth," to the modestly cocky hip-hop swagg of "Try Again."

Remembering Aaliyah fondly isn't hard to do, as few artists stayed as refreshingly progressive as she did throughout her near-decade long run as the exception to every teen-pop rule. While record sells for the singer were modest to well, her talent was consistently undeniable, as evident in the timelessness of a majority of her material.

Here's my favorite Aaliyah video.



Damn, that "I Miss You" video is still a little difficult for me to watch.

Remember This?

Not too many people are familiar with Mary J. Blige's "Changes I've Been Going Through," and that's a shame. The song wasn't a single, nor did it garner much unofficial radio-play, so you'd basically have to own What's the 411? to notice it. It's pretty amazing, nonetheless.


I won't pretend like Mary hasn't released better music since; and really, "Changes" isn't even the best 411 has to offer, but there's something about the song that makes it sort of timeless. This is Mary at her hip-hop/soul best, with the lyrical vulnerability of My Life shining through even before the album came to fruition. Lyrics like "can't you see what I've been going through, cause I wanna be with you," sung in Mary's raspy whine make "Changes" resonate with anyone who's ever been the least bit lovesick.

"Baby, did I push you away...was I coming on too strong for you?"

Kids today, with their fly by nite Myspace-bred relationships don't know nothing about that Real Love! LOL...

Oh, and that sample..beautiful. Why can't Diddy do production of this caliber anymore?

Click Here to Listen

Tyra Banks is a G

Yes, there are times when her talk show is almost too embarrassing to watch (see the episodes when she praises Tyra for being Tyra...which is basically every episode). And no, I don't believe she'll ever be the next Oprah, in terms of public persona and television substance. But regardless of her shortcomings, Tyra has been handling her business for years.


Growing up, I can't remember any other black models in the game besides her and Naomi; and while Naomi may have the Fierce Chick game on lock, Tyra has that and personality to boot. I can think of more than a dozen models who have tried to maintain a career outside of the catwalk, and Tyra is one of very few who have managed to handle her business outside of the Vicki S Fashion Show. While her music career is a joke at best, she's gotten down on the big screen, small screen and behind the scenes effortlessly, and at just 35 is a financial mogul to boot.

I still remember her as the little seen, but always fun to watch around-the-way girl, Jackie from Fresh Prince. Back then she was the chick with the big forehead who you were tired of seeing every damn where. Today, she's the chick with the big forehead who is running shit, and you can't help but to give her mass respect for doing so. Love her or hate her, few Black women in the fashion world have been able to transcend the game like Tyra, and years from now folks won't be able to deny that she's opened plenty of doors for plenty of people.

But them white girl weaves gotta go. Tyra knows damn well her shit ain't that legally blonde.

Oh, and Kanye's Blog inspired this post, but I promised he wouldn't get any more shine until the new year, so I'll leave the link for you to Google.

Brandy Sells an Embarrassing 73k in Her First Week

Brandy's latest album, Human sold just 73,000 copies in its first week, debuting at a weak number 15 on Billboard's Hot 100 albums chart. That's the lowest showing of her already ailing career, and would seem to dash any hopes of resurgence for the singer. I can't be the only one at least a little surprised by that.

It's not that I was expecting her to break any records right out the gate with Human, but even at her least commercially successful Brandy could guarantee at least a top 10 showing. Debuting at number 15 is hardly a good look for her, especially at this point in her career. At just 29, Brandy's been in the game longer than any of the artists that managed to get the best of her on the Billboard chart last week; at least of those charting in the top 10. She deserves at least 150,000 units sold on merit alone. But, falling as significantly short of a respectable debut as she has may just suggest that no one's checking for B-Rocka anymore.

That's a shame. While I maintain that Human is far from Brandy's best work, it's certainly a commendable effort. Without calling any other artists out, it sometimes amazes me how the female R&B market consistently seems as if it only has room for just a few successful black females. If it's not Whitney, Mariah and Janet, or Aaliyah, Monica and Brandy, then it's Beyonce, Alicia and Rihanna; never too many, and never all at the same time. And while there are exceptions to every rule, for the most part women in the music industry have their days numbered from the start.

Usher has sold consistently well since his My Way days, and I would argue the Brandy has delivered better projects in the same amount of time, but to increasingly declining sales. While it's not my intention to suggest that Usher doesn't deserve the level of success that he's achieved (Usher Stan, all day), I suppose I just don't understand why there are very few females from the same generation still standing.

And I'm sorry; though I love Britney, and Taylor Swift has started to grow on me, Brandy is bodying both them hoes in nearly every aspect of the game (save dancing, in reference to Britney), so there's really no reason for them to be thriving as she continues to sink. Circus outselling Human? Get it together consumers.

Here's my favorite Brandy video. She's done better work since, but in 1995 you couldn't tell me nothin when this song came on.

The CW’s 90210 Remake Needs to Get Laid

I've been waiting for the CW's new incarnation of 90210 to grow on me, and it just hasn't. It's been three months and a third of a season, and I'm still bored as all hell. Even Shannen Doherty and reformed slut Jennie Garth can't save this mess.

It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what's wrong with 90210's redux, but I suppose the easy answer is its lack of remotely engaging characters or plot lines. While I may be turning 22 in just a few days, I don't think I'm too far removed from high school to appreciate a little quality teenage angst; yet I don't find myself relating to 90210 at all. It bothers me that major plot developments occur via text message, that 40-something parents act as mature as 16-year-olds, and that the show's writers assume that their audience is as self-involved and vapid as its characters...which is probably true, but still. Honestly, Degrassi does a better job of recreating the original 90210's appeal, and does so with a cast that isn't nearly as attractive.

While I won't go back and forth about what makes the original 90210 so much better than the contemporary version, mostly because the list is so exhaustive and I don't have the energy to paraphrase it, I will point out the most obvious difference between the two: Sex. Back in 1990, Dylan, Brenda, and the rest of the crew were getting it in; in 2008, not so much. I understand that in a post-7^th Heaven era, where the Jonas Brothers are hot because they're keeping the goodies on lock, it's sort of cute for TV teens to take it slow, and I'm cool with that, to an extent. Yes, Felicity might have gone to college a virgin, while Buffy and Dawson took some time to give it up, but eventually even that Gilmore Girl cashed in her v-card for a more exciting story arch, and all of these shows came equipped with far more substance than 90210.The show's premier episode opened with a parking lot blowjob, and we haven't seen shit else since.

Really, I don't want to hear arguments about sex on teen-targeted television shows influencing adolescents to engage in irresponsible behavior. I was a WB fiend back in my day, and still managed to think for myself when it came to matters of importance. If Gossip Girl can depict high school juniors sipping cocktails during lunchtime to rave reviews, then 90210 can give Tristan Wilds some play; or at least some balls, because his character is softer than a memory-foam mattress.

Though the addition of Lauren London to the show as a bisexual cheerleader chasing after Dixon (too easy) seems hardly original, I'm hoping that it'll breathe some much needed life into the show's otherwise stale storylines.

I say the writers slowly bring back the original cast, one has-been at a time, so that by the beginning of the second season we can pretend like the past year never happened, and Tori Spelling never left.

In other news, former Full House star, and current 90210 mom Lori Laughlin looks fly, even in hi-def. Aunt Becky is still killing the game, well into her 40s.

This Can’t Be Life, There’s Gotta Be More

Keyshia Cole went and fucked up one of my favorite Mary J. Blige songs, and brought Lil' Wayne along to add insult to injury.

I won't comment on the situation too much, as I'm actually a fan of Cole; but this cover is not a good look. The charm of Blige's I Love You lies in its ability to remain mournfully reminiscent while still managing to radiate with a sense of optimism not present throughout most of the other tracks on My Life. Cole's version is vacant and shallow, and inevitably vulgar thanks to Wayne's unnecessary contribution. She lacks the vulnerability of Blige's original vocals, and the track ultimately feels inauthentic and disappointing.

Besides, isn't Keyshia still too eclipsed by Mary's shadow to be trying to revel in it?

"How I used to fuck you, and how you fought back"

For real? I'm so sick of this dude.

Click here to listen to Mary's I Love You

Click here to listen to Keyshia's fuckery

The Principle of Pleasure

Most people recognize how stellar this video is; without question, Janet is killin it. But as a song, Pleasure Principle is sorely underrated. Whereas Janet's singles usually seem wrapped in the glow of love, Pleasure Principle is one of the rare instances where listeners have the chance to hear Ms. Jackson direct an ex to the left. And, despite the obvious scorn that motivates the verbal send-off, Janet manages to weigh confidence and aggression ("I'm not here to feed your insecurities"), with just the right amount of naiveté ("I wanted you to love me") to give the record plenty of the charm listeners had come to expect from her after the runaway success of Control.

Also, believe it or not, in 1986 people actually thought Janet could sing (a notion I still support today), as she had yet to retreat to the whisper register that many began to associate with her at some point during the 90s, and Pleasure Principle supports that theory. Janet sounds comfortable, albeit non-threatening, throughout the course of the song, but it's on the ad-libs that surface near the song's end that she really shines (or at least flickers).

Still, it's clear that even at 20 Janet knew her vocals alone wouldn't pay the bills, as the album version of the song is remixed for the video, leaving less room for song, and more for dance; a smart move. In fact, I would argue that Pleasure Principle, along with Rhythm Nation and If, has done the most in establishing her contemporary pop-cultural identity as a world-class performer. Even today many people can't help but to remember her slinging that near-mullet around in a deserted garage, wearing different shades of denim and standard 80s kneepads, while delivering what is perhaps the most approachable dance routine of her career.

Although, contrary to reports from Janet herself, I don't believe she actually performed that infamous back-flip from the top of those crates. Something about that editing seems as suspect as that Billy Ray Cyrus wig she's rockin.

I've also included a live performance of the song. Emphasis on live; Janet rarely gets enough credit for sounding as good on stage as she does on record.

There Was No Reason for Any Member of 112 to go Solo

Not musically, at least.

I debated about even posting this, as 112 hasn't been hot in quite some time, and I thought more than a few people might find themselves googling the group before reading this. If you need a refresher course, go here, here, and definitely here, and you'll see why 112 was easily one of the best male R&B groups to surface in the 90s. Though they were never as popular as Boyz II Men in their heyday, for a group that spent almost a decade on the Bad Boy roster, they did pretty well for themselves. I mean, Diddy can't even get a hit on that label. That being said, the group probably peaked sometime around 2001 with Peaches & Cream, but even at their commercial and creative low, they were better than their Making the Band replacement any day.

So imagine my surprise at hearing a solo single from one of the group's lead singers, Q, floating around online. Though I managed to convince myself that the track was just a random occurrence, something one of the boys was doing in their spare time between recording with the group, soon other tracks began to surface from other members, and the next thing I know I'm watching another 112 alum, Slim, in his own music video, promoting his solo album. What the hell?

This is all wrong, for so many reasons.

First, how many of you can put faces to the names I referenced above? Exactly. No one knows 112 individually. That was true even at their peak, and now that the group's recognition has waned in recent years, it's even less reasonable to think that anyone will be able to reference their solo efforts back to their group success. Slim might have the benefit of possessing the most easily recognizable voice in the group, but the rest of the guys…not so much. And even when you hear Slim's new single, So Fly, chance are you're going to first assume that 112 is on the comeback trail.

That brings me to my second concern: even if you know who's singing, you'll wonder why they're singing alone. Nothing on Slim's new album, Love's Crazy, and nothing that I've heard from Q is anything different than they could have done with 112. In fact, it all could have been better with the rest of the boys. What made Slim's voice stand out in 112, a nasally falsetto-based wine, treads dangerously close to annoying during the course of his solo album, and Q just doesn't bring anything exceedingly interesting to the table at all. What's worse is that the material isn't even bad. Slim's album contains what is arguably some of the most solid R&B material released this year, but suffers from lackluster, play-by-the-numbers delivery. 112 had the ability to carry their pitch-perfect harmonies seamlessly from the dance floor to the bedroom, and Slim just can't make that transition alone. And really, what's the point of trying it on your own if you're only going to expose your shortcomings without offering anything new to compensate for them?

It made sense for Beyonce and Justin Timberlake to go solo, for obvious reasons. Bobby Brown didn't flourish until after he'd left New Edition, and Babyface held it down post The Deele. But just like T-Boz had no business touching herself (though that remix was hot), and Sisqo should have avoided unleashing the dragon, Slim, Q, and the rest of 112 needs to hug it out, and make it work.

But just in case they don't, check out Slim's album, because even the absence of 112 is better than the presence of most of the other shit on the radio right now.

Don’t Slap Me, Because I’m Not in the Mood.

This one might catch most of you off-guard, but I don't care, because I know that once you've experienced the magic of Klymaxx, you'll be as consumed by this mid-80s girl group as I am.

Let's make it clear that I love all things 80s; it's almost a problem. The ladies of Klymaxx serve as a perfect example of how deep my passion for the Reagan-ruined decade runs, as they had very well began to fall off around the time I hopped on the scene in '86. By the time I developed any consciousness of the world around me, they were no longer a relevant part of it, but I've still managed to uncover their legacy.

If you've yet to Klymaxx, please run through the video above, I promise it's so worth the next 4 ½ minutes of your life ( don't worry, it takes a lot longer for the ladies to get you off on wax, as the album version of this song is closer to 7 minutes).

In both song and video, Meeting in the Ladies Room is pure perfection for so many reasons. From the very start, the video radiates with an aerosol-laced 80s funk that instantly makes it too authentic to be campy. From the Soultrain line that carries you into the club (can you spot the fanny pack?), to the spoken word intro that greets you at the door, ("I'd hate to become a BW: a Basic Woman") you know from the start that these chicks are so sincere w/ it. The video only gets better from there, as our BW randomly runs through the rest of the club, sporadically dancing and working that tapered and crimped bob like it's on payroll.

At first it seems easy to label the song itself as too silly to be taken seriously, but I'd beg to differ. Meeting in the Ladies Room is a masterpiece of self-awareness. These ladies realize the absurdity of the song's subject matter, and they're having as much fun with it as we are. The song is infectious, with a pop-and-lock drawl that makes it infinitely danceable, and taken as a 5-minute escape from reality, Ladies Room is as necessary as a night out after a long week.

Some moments that made me Klymaxx:

• Why is ol'boy randomly shirtless and break-dancing in a chair, for the entire video?
  
• Is this chick really rocking a wig made of Christmas Tinsel?
  
• Oh gosh, she just adjusted it in the mirror.
  
• Looking at the guys in this video, she might have a meeting in the men's room…cause I'm not sure any of these dudes are checking for the ladies.
  
• "Don't slap me, Cause. I'm. Not. In. The. Mood." (This chick reminds me SO much of my mom…)
  
• I'm sorry, is that a mermaid mannequin…seriously?
  

Also, check out The Men All Pause, there's more slapping. The ladies also have a slow jam that I'm sure you've heard advertised on those Best of the 80s mixtapes back in the 90s.

Please tell me you're in love.